pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Hippo gnu deer
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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