After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
