apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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