she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You're like the curious george of whores
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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