i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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