She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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