porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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