If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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