No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
