everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
