Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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