I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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