goodnight i made you a song goodbye
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Buhtt sex?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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