1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I need help removing her.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
