So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is Oprah even human
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
