so explain again why im purple
no
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
