We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I want her autograph on my taint
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
