Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
