So drunk its hurt
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
