if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
sarcasm needs its own font
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
