I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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