Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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