If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
