I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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