Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize