I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
