I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
