I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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