so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
