dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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