Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
