Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
