my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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