if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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