How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
