I hate your face
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
