the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
