Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
