I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
