There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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