i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
