Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
