I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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