He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
