i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize