I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
