I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
