I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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