come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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