why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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