Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
