Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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