omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
