I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
