Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
