Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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