I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize