just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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