I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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