i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
