Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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