Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
