Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Crop dusting thru forever 21
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
