Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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