Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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