haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
